Friday, January 4, 2013

Foxic Shock Syndrome

Foxic shock syndrome is a serious malady that affects millions of Americans. But there is a cure.

Foxic shock syndrome (FSS) is a mentally stunting illness caused by believing the words transpiring on FOX “News” on television or online. Accepting the biased, intentionally misleading, fear-mongered hate-speech from the hosts of opinion programs on FOX “News” (the putrid excretions of which are falsely repeated on the “news” segments as ‘facts’) may cause Foxic shock syndrome, depending on the situation. The causative program hosts include, but are not limited to: Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, Gretchen Carlson, Megyn Kelly, Neil Cavuto, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Greg Gutfeld, Dana Perino, Andrea Tantaros, Bret Baier, Greta Van Susteren, Mike Huckabee and Geraldo Rivera. Less malignant hosts include Chris Wallace, Shepard Smith and still others may be considered almost harmless. However, precautions such as muting or changing the channel are still recommended. 

Illness tangential to FSS is sometimes referred to as Foxic shock-like syndrome (FSLS) or tangential Foxic shock syndrome (TFSS). It is caused by believing Fox “News” guest contributors and right-wing talk radio hosts. Causative guest contributors and radio hosts include, but are not limited to: Dr. Keith Ablow, Glenn Beck, Bob Beckel, John Bolton, Neal Boortz, Tucker Carlson, Liz Cheney, Ann Coulter, Lou Dobbs, Larry Elder, Bryan Fischer, Hugh Hewitt, Brit Hume, Laura Ingraham, Charles Krauthammer, Bill Kristol, Rush Limbaugh, Frank Luntz, Michelle Malkin, Michael Medved, Dennis Miller, Dick Morris, Michael Reagan, Karl Rove, Rick Santorum, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, John Stossel and Michael “Savage” Weiner.

FSLS may also be triggered when books written by FOX “News” hosts, their conservative guest contributors and right-wing talk radio hosts are read. Avoid when possible. A less mentally debilitating category of book subject matter would be the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer or the Fifty Shades of Gray series by E.L. James. Both series are written at a third grade comprehension level and may be easily understood by the typical FOX “News” viewer.

Signs and Symptoms

Symptoms of Foxic shock syndrome vary depending on the underlying cause. FSS resulting from completely believing the bile spewing from any of the sources typically manifests in otherwise healthy individuals with high fever, accompanied by high blood pressure, malaise and confusion, which can rapidly progress to negative racial epithets, irrational statements antithetical to fact, and multiple gun purchasing. The characteristic rash decisions, often seen early in the course of illness, resembles dementia, and can involve any age, including young children if the infected pass down the FSS hate-speech to their children. In patients who survive the initial phase of the mentally debilitating infection, the rashness desquamates after accepting factual information not based on fear and/or hate.

In contrast, FSS caused by FSLS typically presents in people with a pre-existing tendency  toward the display of racism due to low-information opinions. These individuals were often brought up in an environment with minimal access to education, health care and jobs paying a living wage – often referred to as “red states” or “taker states.” These are generally the states that take more money from the government than they produce in revenue while simultaneously demanding even lower taxes, and benefit the most from government programs that they wish to abolish. This particular form of FSLS is often referred to as Teabaggerosis of the Frontal and Parietal Lobes (T-FaP).


The severity of FSS varies. In any case, the source of infection should be removed if possible: change the channel away from FOX “News,” mute the channel, or in more severe cases, get rid of the television. Anyone owning a radio at the onset of symptoms should remove it immediately. Outcomes are poorer in patients who do not have the source of infection removed.

Try to expose the patient to other ideas. A constant barrage of misinformation based on hate and fear is never good for the mind. Slowly introduce facts into your conversations with the patient. Not too many at once as this may trigger a pre-conditioned knee-jerk reaction. For example, you may casually drop into your conversation that congress instituted Medicare in 1965 to guarantee access to health care for Americans over 65. You have successfully introduced the idea to the patient that Medicare is a socialized government program and that if the government were to “take its hands off of it,” that program wouldn’t exist at all. Do not use the words “government program” or “socialized medicine” as these are trigger phrases. It may take weeks or months to work up to the use of those words. Depending on the severity of infection, it may take years – and there is never a guarantee that it will ever work at all.


With proper treatment, it is possible for patients to recover. The condition most often, however, persists interminably.

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These two pictures showing up in succession on Facebook inspired this post:

I found it hilarious.

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And in regard to my last post, I am aware of the difference between temporary tax cuts expiring and taxes being raised. Are you?

Good day.

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