Monday, March 5, 2012

Racism: It's What's For Dinner

I’m pretty sure the title gives a good enough set-up for this rant.


It’s getting close to the election, and the Teabaggers are still angry that a black guy is the President. Because they are racist. But, just like the rest of the Republican Party, they hate Mitt Romney. Not as much as they hate the black guy, but still. So, their “let’s drum up some stupid shit against the black guy” campaign has kicked into high gear. They really, REALLY don’t want him to beat Romney-bot. At least Romney-bot is a Republican. Sort of. {Aren’t there any other Republicans interested in running? Please? Hello? Hello?}

And what’s their genius plan? Well, racists are stupid, and don’t generally have much going on in the ‘originality’ department, so they came up with the brand new idea to try for the fourth time to prove the black guy wasn’t born in America. Even though only fucking idiot racists believe that, they do get a lot of media coverage, so they think more people believe it than actually do.

This time however, they didn’t think their racism had the amount of chutzpa needed to convince enough people of the black guy’s illegitimacy. In an abnormally mediocre jump in originality, they decided to enlist the racist with the highest media profile to help them out. And where would they find him?

Drum roll, please. Aaaaaarizonaaaa!

Enter: Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Most famous racist lawman in the west. Two hundred fifty racist Arizona Teabaggers approached fellow racist Arpaio and the Sheriff gladly took up their cause. Since he’s already been saying stupid things against the President for the last three years and he has no problem doing racist things that the media loves to cover for its sensationalistic factor, this diseased relationship between Arpaio and the ‘Baggers is mutually beneficial. And their racist cause that has been thoroughly debunked years ago (which didn’t stop racist ass-hat Donald Trump {self-proclaimed great friend of "the blacks"} several months ago – see my post “Our Kenyan-Born President,” December 17, 2011) lives on. Even though it will not attract any more stupid people than it already has to their cause. But since racist Teabaggers are on TV and news ratings are up, both parties are happy. The ‘Baggers and the media, that is.

I could go on all day about how fucking ignorant and racist the Teabaggers are, but let’s delve into some of the facts, shall we? If you haven’t read “Our Kenyan-Born President,” please do. I lay out all the situations that needed to occur in order for Barack Obama to become the United States President – if he was actually born in Kenya. It’s mainly a tong-in-cheek blogpost. If you haven’t guessed already.

This time, I’d like to explain how he was born in America.

For the sake of argument, pretend it’s not the color of his skin that is the ‘Baggers’ real problem. And that it really is his liberal, Democrat policies that they disagreed with (barring the fact that most of his policies are further right than His Holiness, Lord Reagan) somehow within the first month of his presidency when the Teabaggers formed in February, 2009. Now pretend Obama is still just a Democrat enacting the same liberal policies - but he is white. Explain how these signs are relevant to liberal policy-making by a Caucasian

Yup. Tea Baggers are dumb, fucking racists. There are two kinds – #1) plain old dumb racists and #2) smart racists who figured out how to produce and sell racist merchandise to dumb racists for profit.

And then there are the Birthers. They’re the educationally-challenged bunch of racists (I know, 'educationally-challenged racists' is a little redundant.) that believe Obama wasn’t born in the U.S.A. contrary to what facts prove.

Obama is the only President whose birth certificate has been demanded to be made public (first black President – coincidence?) (no – racist) in our country’s 236 years. He showed his official Hawaiian birth certificate during the 2008 campaign. Racists demanded it was fake because it wasn’t the long form birth certificate. Republican & Democratic politicians, the hospital and the state of Hawaii all said it was the official Hawaiian birth certificate.

Racists don’t care. They are of the same type of jackass that no matter the truth, will still say the Moon landings were faked, aliens landed in Roswell, Bush blew up the Trade Center with bombs and Kennedy was assassinated by a conspiracy between the CIA, the Mafia and Castro.

Flash forward three years. Racist reality douche bag dead squirrel hair fuckwad who was never running for President but actually just garnering publicity for his reality show where he makes a helluva lot more money than the Presidency so his ego would not let him leave the reality TV spotlight Donald the multiple failed businessman whose rich father handed him everything he ever had Trump began incessantly demanding again that Obama wasn’t born in America then lied about sending a ‘team of investigators’ to Hawaii to uncover whatever the fuck and you won’t believe what they found, but he’s not telling us yet. Then, NBC renewed his TV show and he dropped out of pretending to run for office and the nothing that the non-existent investigators didn’t uncover didn’t need to be revealed. So anyway, three years after it was proven he was born in America, Obama produced his long form birth certificate to shut the Trump-sponsored racist revival the fuck up. And double-proved he’s American.

Racists don’t care.

"Short form"

Question: Why did Obama wait three years to produce his real Hawaiian birth certificate if it could have put the racist nonsense to rest way back then? What was he trying to hide?

Answer: He was hiding nothing. He did show the real, official Hawaiian birth certificate three years ago. Lemme splain…

The short form document obtained from and certified by the Hawaii Department of Health on June 6, 2007 is a "Certification of Live Birth." Hawaii stopped issuing the longer "Certificate of Live Birth" in 2001 when their birth records were put into electronic files for consistent reporting and therefore Hawaii currently does not have a short-form or long-form certificate. A "record of live birth" partially handwritten and partially typed, was created and submitted in 1961 when Obama was born, and is located in a bound volume in a file cabinet on the first floor of the state Department of Health. That document was used to create the state’s electronic records, and has been examined by state officials multiple times since the fake, racist controversy began back in 2008.

"Long form"
On April 22, 2011, Obama asked Loretta Fuddy, director of the Hawaii Department of Health, for certified copies of his original Certificate of Live Birth. On April 25, 2011, Fuddy granted the exception to its normal policy of issuing only computer-generated copies because of Obama's status in an effort to avoid the asshole racists’ un-fucking-ending requests for the goddamn birth certificate.

So, everyone born in Hawaii has the exact same style ‘short form’ birth certificate. End of debate. Haha! Not really. There are still racists out there. And Trumpfuck was still an asshole seeking publicity. Publicity-seeking ass hole. Which way sounds better to you?

Trumpelstiltskin was really really really really really proud of his accomplishment of forcing Obama to prove that Trump is the #2 kind of smart, racist Birther. So, since Obama released the second birth certificate proving again he was born in America, Trumpnuts switched to saying, "I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then to Harvard. I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records." Seriously. That’s his quote. His laughably moronic quote.

Trumpty-Dumpty never said it explicitly, but he was, in no uncertain terms, suggesting Obama got where he is only by affirmative action. Again, trying to say the darkie in the White House isn’t qualified simply because of the color of his skin. Only for publicity for his TV show. But racists fucking eat this dumb shit up. Which is why Trumpfuck is a danger to America. I also consider that piece of shit to be Anti-American. Stirring up potentially dangerous, stupid racists solely for personal profit. (A Republican?)

Of course, intelligent people know Obama transferred to Columbia University from Occidental College and later graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law, in addition to becoming the prestigious Harvard Law Review’s first black president. But, Trumpgina is a fucking ignorant, egomaniacal, opportunistic, publicity glutton. Did I mention racist?

Which brings us to Sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, Joe Arpaio. Current racist in the spotlight. Yeeeeehaaaaaaa! And the circle of idiocy continues.

Now, just before the election, the blatantly racist Teabaggers asked the blatantly racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio to gather what he literally calls his "Posse" to go after a black man. Brilliant. May I say that again? Yes. Joe sent a posse after a black man. And the bullshit birther nonsense Arpaio is vomiting is again believed by fact-ignoring people – otherwise known as FOX “News” watchers. Arpaio claims there was probable cause that the President’s birth certificate is a forgery. Ignoring the fact that there is no probable cause. Except to racists.

Remember earlier when I explained there are two kinds of racists, the dumb and the smart? Yeah. Mike Zullo, one of Arpaio’s Posse, is selling the investigation that “proves” the birth certificate is a forgery as an e-book on Smart racist. People will buy the e-book. Dumb racists.

Unless the e-book investigation concludes that Hawaii, in fact, did NOT become the fiftieth state of the United States of America on August 21, 1959, two years before Obama was born, then a whole bunch of racist birther morons are going to… uh. Yeah. They still won’t care. These kind of people never, under any circumstances, let facts get in the way of their uneducated, ill-informed, baseless opinions.

In the meantime, the Justice Department is investigating some of the finer unconstitutional qualities of Sheriff Joe’s police department, including, but not limited to: racial profiling; making unlawful stops, detentions and arrests of Latinos; using excessive force against Latinos; stopping Latinos 4-9 times more than non-Latinos; abusing Latino inmates; failing to investigate over 400 reported sex crimes; unlawfully retaliating against people who complained about or criticized Arpaio’s police department; and obstructing the Justice Department’s investigation into his police department.

Janet Napolitano, Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, has revoked the authority of Joey Joe Joe and His Merry Band of Civil Rights Abusers of Maricopa County to detain people on immigration charges. However, they are allowed to transfer detainees to federal facilities instead of releasing them if they wish. My guess is that they’ll stop detaining Latinos altogether since they can’t make any money off of it.

At the end of the day, this continually resurfacing racist birth certificate nonsense collects no extra morons to its side. These dim bulbs just brighten around any event that might make Obama look good (like a strengthening economy and steady job growth) or win an election (because of the clown car full of clowns in the clown race to nominate the least clownish Republican clown – Romney? So very sad. HAH!). If you already understand the truth, you’re probably not going to start believing the lies.

But this sure did give me something to write about.

* * * * * * *

Thank you for pointing out the ignorant racism with comedy, Stephen Colbert:

And thank you, right-wing media, for perennially being hypocritical, ignorant racists:

And thank you, Goldie Taylor, for your words of wisdom:

Hey, cool new game - every time I use the word ‘fuck,’ or any variation thereof, you should do a shot.

My brain is not equipped to handle describing Orly Taitz, the Birther Queen there on the right. Here is a copy and paste from the Wikipedia page about her:

Taitz alleges that President Obama is not a natural-born citizen of the United States and is therefore ineligible to serve as President. She claims he was born in Kenya and that he falsified his Selective Service papers and his application to the Illinois bar. "I believe [Obama] is the most dangerous thing one can imagine, in that he represents radical communism and radical Islam: He was born and raised in radical Islam, all of his associations are with radical Islam, and he was groomed in the environment of the dirty Chicago mafia. Can there be anything scarier than that?"

Taitz has made other Obama-related claims, including:

   - A number of homosexuals from Obama's former church have died mysteriously.
   - Obama has dozens of Social Security numbers, and his passport is inaccurate. Taitz claims that a person who was cooperating with the FBI in connection with Obama's passport died mysteriously, "shot in the head".
   - A Kenyan birth certificate with the name "Barack Obama" is authentic.
   -  Obama's first act as President was to donate money to Hamas, which she claims will be used to build Qassam rockets.
   - Obama, or someone connected to him, has made threats to Taitz's life and vandalized her car.
   - Obama is having the Federal Emergency Management Agency build internment camps for "Anti-Obama dissidents".
   - Osama bin Laden was killed years ago, with his body kept on ice, and the announcement of his death was timed to divert attention from an upcoming court case she is litigating challenging Obama's citizenship.

There's a shit-load more about this wack-job. You should check it out. Satirists wish they could come up with this kind of comedy gold.

Good Day.

Racists believe one of these men was clever enough to outsmart over 300 million people in the USA to become President even though he wasn't born there. That would mean he is one of the smartest people in the country. Can you find him?

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