Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Third Presidential Debate

Here are some very notable quotables from the third Presidential debate last night.


Romney quotables:

I agree with everything the president said. Only I’ll do it better, sooner and louder. And better.

Except that I think we also need more floaty boats for the sailors.

Maybe some more Springfield muskets and English Enfield rifles, too.

I like to say "Iran is four years closer to gaining nuclear weapons" almost as much as Rudy Giuliani likes to say the numbers 9 and 11.

I never said all those things that I said. Maybe if there was some magic website called YouPlayRecordingsOnThisTube or something you could prove it, but there isn’t. Gosh dang diddly do, my friend. Trust me.

After I start a trade war with China on day one, I'll tell them we're great allies.

We should be more involved in Syria but even less involved in Syria.

Is it just me, or is it getting really humid in here?

The mighty powerful US government should intervene in other people’s affairs all over the world but let the free market decide everything here in the US. Because government is incompetent, as you know. Vote for me.

I will balance the budget within 8 years, which is why you should vote for me. Because Obama couldn’t do it in 4.

I know about the problems America has with all the jobs shifting over to China. It’s kind of my thing. Beeyotch.

My foreign policy plan is simple. I just talk about domestic issues.

It’s widely reported that drones are being used in drone strikes. I’m not saying random, blatantly obvious things just to run out the clock by just saying random, blatantly obvious things. It’s not like I’m just trying to run out the clock.

It’s a mistake to to say we'll pull out of Afghanistan in 2014, which is why I say we’re going to be finished by 2014 instead.

We certainly don’t want any more unnecessary wars like Iraq or Afghanistan, which is why I backed those two completely necessary wars.

I never said Russia was our biggest threat. I said Russia was our biggest GEO-POLITICAL threat. Der. Stop taking words out of my mouth.

It doesn’t matter that the President never went on an apology tour. I will keep saying the President went on an apology tour.

I congratulate President Obama on killing bin Laden and going after al-Qaeda. But we can't kill our way out of this mess. We must do our very best to kill them.

It’s widely reported that drones are being used in drone strikes.

I never said to let Detroit go bankrupt. It’s all in the New York Times op-ed I wrote on 11/18/08 titled, “Let Detroit Go Bankrupt.”

Mongolia is Australia’s path to Lake Okeechobee.

I care deeply about gender equality in countries not named the United States of America.

The President went on an apology tour.

Attacking me is not an agenda. Attacking me is not an agenda, Attacking me is not an agenda. Have I repeated that enough just as I was told to do so by my debate coaches? It doesn’t matter that after you attacked my stances, you explained how your agendas were more effective (realistic and actually doable) than mine. I’m just going to ignore that part because attacking me is not an agenda.

And just because we still, ten years later, have no clear answers from anyone in the Bush administration about Saddam Hussein’s non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction, and how that lie was used to get us into the Iraq war for no reason, resulting in the deaths of well over one hundred thousand civilians plus 4,500 soldiers, why didn’t you immediately label Benghazi as a terrorist attack? 

Obama quotables:
Not according to facts, douchefuck.

Re: Romney - Iran has been four years closer to gaining nuclear weapons every year for the past 30 years.

Re: Obama – Romney wouldn’t go near a douche. It’s private, woman business. Something from which his magic underwear protects him.

Most accurate quote of the night:
"Governor, when it comes to your foreign policy, you seem to want to import the foreign policies of the 1980s, just like the social policies of the 1950s and the economic policies of the 1920s."

Good day.

“I think Governor Romney maybe hasn't spent enough time looking at how our military works. You mentioned the Navy, for example, and that we have fewer ships than we did in 1916. Well, Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets, because the nature of our military's changed. We have these things called aircraft carriers, where planes land on them. We have these ships that go underwater, nuclear submarines.”


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